Thank You Donna
by priss-chan
Summary: Post Noel JD fluff: Josh is looking for a different brand of comfort.
1. A New Kind of Moment

_A/N: Yes. It's true. The absolute LAST thing (barring clones of President Bush, maybe) the world needs is more post-Noel angst. What can I say. I just can't help myself. This was just a little idea that occurred to me and I had to write to see how it sounded. Meant as a sort of one-shot, addition to the episode kinda thing. I thought it was sweet. Anyway..... PLEASE tell me what you think, the reason I'm posting it is to garner some others opinions, so be kind :) (ps I don't like the end any thoughts on how to fix it WELCOME)_

**Thank you Donna**

'Thank you Donna.' Josh said with mock exasperation as the pair walked in the door. 'Now, can I assume that you will be adopting your usual position of overly-motherly watchfulness on my couch for this evening? Because... you know... that couch is getting pretty well worn' he smirked at her, attempting a smile.

'Assume whatever you want, Joshua,' Donna replied firmly, 'I'm not leaving you alone to stick God knows what through all your other windows, you're in enough trouble with your landlord as it is.' He looked at her with a barely masked warmth. 'I'm staying right here until you look human again.'

'Oh, like that'll ever happen' he smirked. 'Ok' he eventually acquiesced, turning towards the kitchen.

Donna went to the cupboard to grab her usual spread for the couch. She started unfolding and spreading, until she felt a shift in the atmosphere in the room and realized that Josh hadn't left, he was just watching her. She paused, masking concern at the mixture of loneliness and fear on his face.

'Josh,' she spoke softly.

'Um, Donna...' he started, shifting uncomfortably.

'Yeah?' she asked, still gentle.

'It's just... you don't have to stay out here.' He said, almost inaudible.

'Josh?'

Looking up to see the expression on her face he released a little strained laughter and rushed, 'I'm not asking you to have sex with me or anything,' he tried to smile, 'it's just-' he looked down and paused.

'Josh-' she started.

'It's just I've got this big bed' he continued, 'and,' his voice broke a little and his nervous, playful tone softened, 'and I don't want to be alone right now.' He finished quietly.

Donna looked at him, looking so bashful, so different from his usual self, and blinked back tears. She closed the few feet between them and gently raised his gaze from the ground and into her eyes, 'It's ok' she sighed, 'You're not alone'. She watched his face as a tear broke free, running down his cheek. She tossed her head a little, bedroom-ways. 'Now come to bed,' a friendly smile teasing at her lips.

Impulsively, Josh kissed her on the cheek and hugged her, burying his face in her shoulder. 'Thank you, Donna' he whispered, not feeling alone for the first time in a long while. In what felt like forever.

'Come on,' Donna repeated, taking him by the hand and leading him away, 'come to bed'.

'You know,' Josh started as he followed, 'this doesn't mean I, you know, like you.'

Donna smiled, 'Me neither'.

Josh politely turned his back as Donna change into one of his oversized t-shirts and a pair of boxers. He turned back around just as she was snuggling under the covers and spoke as he stripped down to much the same, 'how come my boxers never look so good on _me_?'

'Joshua Lyman, were you peeking?' she asked.

'I'm male' he muttered as he crawled in next to her, 'what do you expect?'

Donna smiled on the inside even as she scowled at him on the out. 'Well maybe tomorrow I should ask Sam how I could go about filing for sexual harassment,' she joked.

'You do that,' Josh groaned, almost asleep before his head hit the pillow.

Donna gently stroked his newly stitched and bandaged right hand and watched his face. _Now if only he were like his when he as awake_, she thought.

'I'm here for you, Josh' she whispered in the dark.

'I know you are, Donna' he whispered back, shifting to rest his cheek on her shoulder and gently throw an arm around her waist, close but not too close.

_And I need you_. Came the unspoken ending to his sentence. Donna nestled back into him and lightly rested her arm on his hip, the two comfortably and equilaterally leaning on each other, figuratively as well as literally.

Soon the only sounds in the room were that of deep, paced breathing, the first real, comfortable sleep either of them had gotten since their delicately balanced relationship had been set off track by a one-inch piece of hot lead had been propelled into the air and landed up in someone's chest.


	2. Of Coffee and Kinks

_A/N Ok. Meant to be just that one bit, but due to the urgings of my reviewers (thankyou thankyou thankyou : ) I'm gonna try to continue the idea. Problem is, I have no idea what that idea actually is, so I'll just run on until I encounter a point. Please, any ideas for direction, tell me!! I love to write this I just don't know where I'm going.... That said, enjoy and please please please comment : )_

'Merry Christmas.' Donna's eyes fluttered open at the sound of Josh's voice, soft, very close to her face and surprisingly cheerful.

'Merry Christmas to you to.' She replied, happy to see him both inches from her face and in such a decent mood. She had thought last night, as had Josh, that things would probably be a little awkward this morning. But such a good nights sleep for the both of them was worth it. Neither of them said anything for a while and a comfortable silence developed, they were both running through last night's events in their minds and trying to wake up and say something productive.

'How are you feeling?' Donna asked, the question carrying a little more weight than usual. Her brow furrowed with the memory of how much turmoil Josh had been going through lately.

He bit back a glib response, deciding it was probably better **not** to toy with Donna's emotions at precisely this moment. 'I feel,' he hesitated, unsure of exactly how he did feel, 'better. And yet worse. Weird. But mostly better'. The hint of a dimpled smile invoked some genuine relief in Donna.

'Have you realized yet how stupidly you've been behaving for the past couple of weeks?' she gently teased.

He laughed a little and ventured a small smile, slightly abashed, 'Yes. That I can admit. I know...' he left it hanging.

'Yeah.' She finished and smiled. She got it.

'Well then,' Josh started, 'What were you going to do today?'

'I figured you'd sit around the office working for a couple of hours and trying to give me a holiday until your head imploded and you had to call me.' Donna answered teasingly.

'Sounds good,' full dimples. 'Come on,' he jerked his head towards the door of the bedroom, 'lets get up. We can have a couple hours off for Christmas morning, get a nice leisurely breakfast, then we can go to work.'

'Best Christmas I've ever had,' Donna rolled her eyes and smirked at him, 'Now be a gentleman and close your eyes while I get up and go take a shower.' She started to get up.

'Yes Ma'am.' You didn't have to tell him twice. As Donna gently retrieved yesterday's clothes from the floor and worked her way to the shower, Josh closed his eyes and nestled back into the bed. He savoured the remnants of warmth and scent from her side of his bed. It had been far too long since someone had occupied that half of the bed, or any part of his bed for that matter, other than him. He breathed in Donna's warmth and thought about the previous day, trying to think about it without mentally collapsing under the strain.

Josh understood what had happened yesterday; and for the first time he understood what had been happening to him these past weeks. What he didn't understand, was what happens now. He wanted to talk to Donna, to tell her everything he thought and felt and let her in to re-organize his messed up brain. And yet, he didn't want to jeopardize the gentle friendship they had. He knew that their particular relationship wasn't covered by the boss/assistant dynamic and there came a point where even 'friends' failed them, but he didn't want to scare her by saying too much, too quick. So while a part of him just wanted to let pour and let her help him, another part of him wanted to protect Donna, protect her from something he himself didn't even understand.

He listened to the sound of the water running in the shower in the next room. _Pull yourself together, Josh_, he thought to himself. _She's been through enough, this is not the time to be dumping all of your shit on her. She's worried enough about you, without hearing the gory details._ He just wanted a little comfort. Was that so wrong?

Oh well. Put on a happy face. He genuinely felt better and wanted to take advantage of this to reassure Donna that no, her boss had not completely lost it. Josh roused himself from the bed and pulled on some jeans, determined to appear legitimately healthier today. 'Damage control', Stanley had said. That sounded good right about now. He knew what he was doing to himself now so the time had come to help his friends. He could dump all his problems on some therapist, later. Now he had to fix what he'd started.

Just as he heard the water turn off, Josh moseyed on over to the CD player and slapped on The Kinks, 'Everybody's Gonna Be Happy', for added pep. He turned up the volume and moved into the kitchen, attempting to find the makings of coffee.

_A/N Well there you go... ok I have kind of an idea in my head so there should definitely be at least one more chapter, maybe more if inspiration strikes! Keep reading..._


	3. Faith's a Killer

_A/N mmm.... I feel Josh angst coming soon.... HUGE thankyou to my reviewers I rely on you guys for support! Hear that readers, review... review... you know you want to. And don't worry, I know it's a little slow but I think I'm warming up to something interesting... I hope ; ) And I haven't beta-d this, so there might be some mistakes but bear with me!_

Donna flinched as the water ran over her, too hot. She adjusted the temperature and sighed. What was going on here? She closed her eyes and let the warm water relax her. She'd been on edge for three weeks and it felt like her back and shoulders were seized up. Being worried about Josh is bad enough, but being _really_ worried about him when he's bouncing off the walls is just not good. Not good for anyone, but mostly not good for Donna.

She had been the first person to notice his craziness and it had been eating her up. She never thought something so small could cause that much pain, but when he walked into the office the other day with that bandage on his hand she thought she might die. It was just too much of a coincidence for him to have accidentally cut his hand now, and the thought that he had been driven to self mutilation and she couldn't help was just... She shook the thought out of her head. How many times had she been in Leo's office over the past three weeks. Thank God he'd noticed to, at first he said they should just watch and see if it fixes itself, then he said they should wait for the ATVA guy, let a professional take care of it. Donna realized that had she tried to talk to Josh, she could have just made things worse, but the urge to just hold him and tell him everything was ok was unbearable. Until last night, obviously, when she got the opportunity to do just that.

But it hadn't relieved her as much as she would have liked. Sure, Josh admitting he had a problem and asking for help was this giant, magnanimous leap towards the good, but still. He seemed... too calm. She knew he was hiding something, putting on a happy face. At least it would relax everyone else. The 'Josh-caused-tension' amongst the staff had been reaching unbearable heights.

She turned the water off, stepped out of the shower and quickly towelled off. A slight smile was brought to her face by the sounds of 'Everybody's Gonna Be Happy' drifting in from the next room. Sadly though, this was only confirming her 'he's way too happy' theory. Oh well. All she could do was be here for him and just wait and see. She pulled her clothes on and walked towards the kitchen, laughing a little at the sight of Josh trying to find food other than beer and coffee, in his apartment. Yeah right.

Josh smiled a little as he clapped eyes on Donna. For no reason he could identify, seeing her made him feel just that little bit better. 'Feel better?' he asked.

'Aren't I supposed to be asking you that?' she replied lightly.

'Sit down,' he continued, 'and I'll bring you some coffee.' She complied as he continued, 'Then we can go out for breakfast, because I just don't think cooked food in this apartment is gonna happen.' Patented, lopsided, Josh smile.

Josh poured out a mug of coffee and placed it gently in Donna's waiting hands. He stood by the coffee maker, absently toying with his empty mug as he waited for more to appear in the pot. His mind was running over yesterday gain and again, trying to absorb everything at once. It was as if he hadn't been registering anything for the past three weeks, and now, slowly, his memories were coming back to him.

His coffee mug hit the floor, bouncing off the soft linoleum. 'Shit,' he breathed, staring straight ahead like a deer caught in the headlights.

'Huh?' Donna noticed his frozen posture.

'Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!' Josh slowly grew more agitated until he was yelling. He broke from his freeze and started pacing violently up and down his kitchen, rubbing his face and muttering unintelligibly to himself.

'Josh?' Donna was standing up from her seat to walk over to him, adrenaline pumped through her by fear. 'Josh, what's wrong?' she was scared now. Needless to say, recent events had left her a little on edge.

He was hitting his forehead with the heel of his hand in frustration, 'I can't believe I DID THAT!'

'Josh,' she asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer, 'What did you do?'

He was silent in half remorse, half embarrassment.

'Josh?'

'I yelled at the President.' He admitted quietly.

Donna let out a sigh of relief. 'Is that it?' she asked, relieved.

'Is that it?' he mocked her snidely.

'Josh!' she protested.

'I'm sorry, Donna,' he said genuinely, 'I just,' he hesitated, 'you just, you don't yell at the President of the United States because you're having a psychotic episode!'

'No, Josh, you yell at everyone when you're having a psychotic episode, that's the way it works.' Donna scolded.

He looked up at her, 'I have to apologise.' He started moving, reaching for such conveniences as clothes and shoes.

'No Josh, you can't,' Donna moved to stop him, grabbing his arm to gently restrain him, 'you can't disturb the President on Christmas morning, and besides he's in Manchester!'

Josh paused and looked at her, looking conflicted and heart-breakingly scared, I can't?' he asked.

'You can't' she reiterated quietly, 'You can apologise to him some time when it's not Christmas. Or maybe later today.'

He looked at her hand still on his arm and then back to her face, looking a little comforted, 'I can.' He accepted.

And besides, ' she smiled warmly, 'you'd ruin our nice little plan'.

'You're right' he acquiesced.

'Damn strait' she muttered under her breath.

'What was that?'

'Nothing,' an innocent smile beamed from Donna.

'Right,' Josh laughed a little, 'right.'

'Now come on,' Donna enthused, 'let's get some breakfast.'

'Kay,' Josh looked around a little lost.

Donna tried to smile but couldn't help the thought. Even though he seemed a lot better now, it hurt her heart to see him this lost. _It'll get better._ She thought, _People get better. Give him time._

'Look at you,' she tsked, snapping him out of it a little, 'you're a mess. Look at your hair.'

Donna smiled as he looked up, as if he were trying to see the top of his head. 'Let's go,' she said.

And a hint of a dimpled smile followed her out.


	4. Her Golden Touch

_A/N This is the last of what I got. Please review. Major fluff/sap warnings but I think it works. See what you think._

Donna watched intently as Josh fiddled with his plastic coffee stirrer, staring into dead space. They'd been quietly chatting about idle things for almost an hour now, savouring a luxury breakfast at McDonalds. Funny how it's hard to find restaurants open for breakfast on Christmas morning, isn't it?

She'd noticed Josh looking at her quite a bit, always looking away whenever she tried to make eye contact though. But then she had said something, and all of a sudden he was just quiet, just staring into space, with a sadly bemused expression on his face.

Josh had come to a startling realization about himself, sometime between them picking the least sticky table and his third cup of the crappest coffee known to man, he had come to this realization. And now he was trying to process it, but overloading a little in the process. It was nothing, really, what she had said. Just an offhand comment that sparked a thought he had had for some time now, but never admitted. But what did it mean?

Donna continued to talk, more for the sake of filling the silence though, then for any belief he was actually listening. She came to a dead stop though when she looked closer at his face. She saw tears running freely down his cheeks, but a strange smile possess his mouth. He started to laugh, so sadly, sort of chuckling to himself as the as the tears flowed.

'Josh,' Donna said softly, leaning towards him to get a closer look. He blinked, as if remembering that she was there with him, and looked at her. At the expression of concern on her face he realized how insane he must look, but he supposed it was the natural result of how insane he felt. He smiled reassuringly at her, still softly laughing, almost a sob.

'Donna, I, um-' he cleared his throat, breaking slightly with emotion. He rolled his eyes, the last piece of reason in his head screaming for conscious thought. 'Donna, you've been a valuable asset to me over the past couple of years.'

'Okay Josh, is that it?' she could not have felt or looked more confused.

'Just, just let me finish, before you say anything. I have to get this out.' He had his eyes closed now, as if he was reciting something.

She stared at him, waiting.

'You've been a valuable asset to me,' he rushed, 'and to the staff in general. And even though you seek to control me and have an annoying tendency to, well, annoy me, I feel like we have a good relationship. I think we're friends. And I think that, well, somewhere along the way, you know,' By this point his mouth was running almost faster than his head, trying to get it all out without thinking about what he was saying, still trying not to look at her.

He took a pause, breathing deep and looking at his hand. And then, very softly and evenly, he looked her in the eye and said, 'I think that somewhere along the way I fell in love with you.'

He stared at her face, her only visible reaction being one eyebrow raised. Feeling suddenly like a complete schmuck, he looked away, wiping the tears off his face and toying with bandage, his hands shaking, not noticing the sudden hope in her eyes. 'And, that's it, you know,' he started to stammer, suddenly at a loss for words, 'that's just, why I've been so conflicted and it explains a lot and its just-'

'Josh,' she cut in softly as he looked sharply up to try to gauge a reaction. Donna cleared her throat and steeled herself, speaking harder this time, 'Josh.' She glared at him. 'I have to go,' she said coldly, grabbing her coat and walking stiffly into the street and away.

'Donna?' he questioned, confused by her reaction but making up for lost time by grabbing his coat and running out after her.

'Donna!' he shouted, running faster when he saw she wasn't stopping. He caught up to her and reached for her arm, panting, 'Donna, I'm sorry, it's just-'

'No!' Donna shouted, turning around wildly to face him, livid, 'No, Josh, you don't get to do this!'

Josh was confused and frightened by her visible anger, not really knowing what had happened, 'Wha-'

'You do **not** get to do this with me!' Donna flailed a little, looking about to cry for a moment before her defence returned, 'Josh, when are you going to learn that you can't toy with people this way!'

'Toy-?' he protested weakly before being interrupted again.

'I've seen you do it before, Josh, you become impassioned by something, an idea, and you completely forget that these are **people** involved. So when you, you get bored, you just leave, and the people who had invested everything in you just collapsed. But not me Josh, you can't do this to me! I have always been there for you and I will always love you, so just because you're in a low place right now and are looking for a different brand of comfort, does **not** give you the right to play me like this!'

Josh just stared at her, shocked by the image of her standing in the street, screaming at him with the snow blowing flurries around her as she pantingly continued.

'You can't convince yourself that something is real just because you're lonely! I won't let you hurt me like that, Josh, and I won't let you make me hate you. I will be here for you Josh, whatever happens, but you can't lie to me like this because I won't get sucked in to our scummy political mind that way. I know you have good intentions but I can't let myself believe it.' She was speaking softly now, sincere, 'I don't want to hate you. I love you, always and forever, but that's something that you just can't return and making you try would only be cruel.'

Josh was about to speak and then paused, as if registering what she had just said. 'Donna, are you trying to tell me you have feelings for me?'

Donna sighed in exasperation and then looked at him, 'I think it goes a little deeper then that, Josh. You could have it all, if it actually meant that much to you. But it doesn't, so you can't, but I'll always love you. I think in some way I always have.' She shrugged and gave a coy little smile. They stood for a few moments, smiling and looking at each other, basking but feeling the distance between them, a distance that looked to be permanent.

Donna fondly reached up to gently stroke Josh's face, lovingly, looking at what she had resigned herself to never truly having. She would always love him, but never let him take her, half-assed. She deserved better.

He tried to figure out if she was right, if he didn't really love her and was just fooling himself. Or if it was something more, something deeper. And then she touched him. And he felt the golden warmth of her touch spreading up his cheek, and looked down at her radiant smile, and felt more complete then he ever had before. It felt like he had spent life fighting an uphill battle, having pieces taken from him and nothing ever given back. He lived for politics and it made him happy, feeling like they were doing some good, but his life still seemed like a series of losses. A catalogue of pains.

Until now. And he suddenly realized why he had never been able to truly give himself over to someone, in any way, it wasn't just a fear of that much more loss. No one had ever given him anything back. Until now. So looking at her now, Josh realized that she was the only person who could save him. He owed her everything, and how better to repay that debt then by giving her his soul.

Donna noticed the change in his face, the return of that confidence that she hadn't seen for weeks, and something else, something she couldn't quite place. What was that?

And he looked into her eyes, and took her face in his hands, his mind made up to convince her.

There have been many kisses in this world before this moment, and many since, but when Josh kissed Donna on that blustery Christmas morning, in the middle of downtown Washington, he kissed her with all the passion and desperation of a man who needed saving, along with the all the heart of a lonely man who had finally found his saviour. He needed her, and was willing to give everything in return, even himself. Give her heart and soul, give her always and forever. And she felt it.

So as they stood there on that cold street corner, wrapped in each other's arms with foreheads pressed together, they smiled, complete. Josh laughed a little, and said the only thing that could come into his head, making Donna smile all the more.

'What's next?'

**THE END**


End file.
